The tantalising smell of freshly prepared salmon drifts now, from above us where Fabrice is preparing our evening meal. It's great to sit in this little corner of France in Tibet, Fabrices small womb-like (not that I remember) restaurant and unofficial Consulate General of the Gaulish nation, that provides much needed respite from momo and noodle dishes, not to mention yak butter tea. Actually I love yak butter tea, but it has an infamous reputation among westerners. In this climate, though I can't think of a more rational national drink, oops sorry can't say that, let's say staple then. For the cold, a hundred grams of butter a day do wonders for ones endurance:

It is comically cold now, hot in the sun during the clear days and then the merciless refrigeration commences to test the mettle and nerve of even the most insensitive and hardy, gnarled little latin dudes, such as my good companion Gaetan...!

'Only kidding, Gaetan!'

'Am I insensitive, having spoken for four or five days about the torment and deep distress that womankind has visited upon me with ruthless malevolence and without respite, for a total of one year and a day?'

Gaetan has indeed now revealed his feminine side, after having goaded and riled me day after day, week after week for my tendency to wallow in my feelings.

He has been stung by a formidable man-eater, none other than....I cannot say, for I face the gravest heartrending torture known to man if I reveal her identity.

So as I was saying...it is time for feverish preparation, I'm doing my best, but there is so much to do! I have prepared some photos for my kids, who I shall pay a surprise visit in the coming days. The last lesson was madness in part, Tenzin Choempel attacked little Tsedin Chudi and kicked her to the ground. He is the wittiest little boy and charming too. He knows I like him and gets away with a lot before, each time, repenting. This time I forced him to stand in the cornerwith his arms over his head, something I am deeply uncomfortable with. It hardly worked, either as he ended up fighting with the oldest boy at 15, Nima. I wanted him to understand that it was not right to kick a girl. Maybe he got the message, I am not sure.

I don't explain myself too well, I know, but it's all still so fresh in my head. But I have had endless discussions with Gaetan about education, as I mentioned before, I think and we have been unable to agree on the point of discipline and corporal punish,ent. For me, it's just out. But it does depend on background after all and the difference between their normal school life and hanging out with me playing bingo or watching a film, couldn't, I imagine, be more different.

To the point though, teaching it is now apparent to me more than ever, is a long-term process. I broke the fight up with a sharp blow to Nimas arm, as they pumelled each other and Tenzin Choempel wept as he punched, with all the bitter despair of a young life led without love, or hope of something other than what he could find within himself. I had to hide my shame and still do now, even as I could see that all the children were shocked that I hadn't kept my cool, as usual. I wish I had stuck to my guns, but that's the way we learn, I guess. I think another 5 months and I could have brought our worlds so much closer together, theirs which is so hard, so alien to anything I have ever experienced growing up and mine, supported and loved all my life and furnished with privelages that they will never know. I think I could have got control and really taught them, instead of just looking after them for a couple of days a week.

The sadness I have seen has, at times destroyed my will to go on with anything. It got right in me and I have respect for them, for they are far ahead of me in life, in a way, these 9 and 10 year old kids. I'll go see them and after I leave I will miss them terribly.

Well there is no more to do for the moment. I am leaving. Even my Mum believes that I am going to do this and so do I. The charity emailed me today, which was nice. Now I can find out exactly what they do, since I can't read their site in China.

This place is bizarre but wonderful, don't you think, Gaetan?

Well, our little 'party' was last night. I am sure I can't possibly describe how truly bizarre it was, two adult classes- mine and Gaetans, together with the two of us as hosts, clowning around and revelling in the hilariously surreal nature of it all. But it was good and very funny indeed. We played pictionary and sang 'Row, row, row your boat' in round. That was inter-galactic...not to say my Bach recital. But to be honest, I have no idea what they all thought. We all ate and it was over. Afterwards a load of us ex-pats headed off to a club for some serious dancing. Priceless evening..

And today the first of my last two days teaching the orphans. Nearly there now!

They were terrible today, but it seems the only way is to be very firm with them. It was alright in the end, but they are badly behaved with me, since their normal schooling is very strict, in the Chinese way and of course because I was totally inexperienced 4 months ago and I started off too kindly with them. But it is manageable.

So tomorrow we will watch 'Chicken Run' and I shall say goodbye at last. I imagine it will be quite tearful, but I hope also to make a surprise visit to the orphanage in the week with a fully loaded bike, to freak them out a bit and also to show them that we are all capable of doing extraordinarily silly things in life!

I have been thrilled to read peoples messages, since I blanket mailed everyone I know to tell them about my site and about the T***t Relief Fund, the charity I will collect for during my trip. I hope it will be entertaining all the way for you all! I was so happy to hear from Hana and Meesun and well, everyone. Also Leo, my old flat-mate from Royal Academy days. The past is very much in my mind at this time and though I try to learn every day to get better at letting go of the past, there are things that make us who we are and some of these old days are jewels, really.

I even forgot what 'Pokey Bells' was, until Leo put me straight! Good on yer mate! And enjoy flying around at breakneck pace, a sedentary life has it's drawbacks too.

What I will do when I get back, I have no idea....

Time is pressing on. I seem though, to be at a standstill and am finding it harder and harder to be patient. To get to Nepal I need to leave before it gets really cold and the side-trip to Everest I hoped to make will be harder the later I leave. It will be freezing, but I am well prepared. So I wait for the last things to arrive for the bike that I am building. Meanwhile life goes on as ever, with the orphans on the weekends and days and nights in the flat with my friend Gaetan.

Gaetan is writing his book, now in a frenzy of creation he works until the small hours, adamant that it must be finished in its initial form before he leaves. He is a man of 'parameters', of deadlines and rational thought. I, on the other hand, a man of emotion, but somehow we complement one another and it is good to share time with him. So Gaetan's deadline is Christmas at home with his family after a year of travelling the world. Australia, New Zealand, Mongolia and South-East Asia, China and Tibet, the list is quite long and Gaetan's book is a sort of collation of 7 years of life and a gift to his best friend in France who is apparently not free within himself and tethered to emptiness by his despondency. I think the gift of the book is to help him somehow. Anyway, only Gaetans sister knows that he intends to return to see his parents and grandparents, but it is a rigid date and he has to find a way from Tibet to France in around a month. It's the Trans-Siberian railway to Moscow, or on the bike with me across the Himalaya, but this option is tricky because the ride from Lhasa to Kathmandu is not to be taken lightly, especially at this time of year and ought not to be rushed. We would have 3 weeks, a reasonable time, but I don't want to stress all the way there. We will see, I suppose.

I will go alone, or share it, I don't mind. But I wish I could leave soon, though there is so much to do before I leave this place, my home for the last 4 months or more. I still didn't visit the Jokhang, have friends in monasteries who I must see after the recent 'troubles' with the authorities and a few other things to do. This place healed my heart after some hard times and I regret that time is taken up now with worrying over material things and organisation. But I chose to make this trip, this pilgrimage through the world, to see the people and places that are calling me and it must be well organised.

And the kids. The orphans with no hope, in the childrens home that is so cold and so alien to me, a spoiled English artist, who wanted for nothing his whole life. I see more and more that I cannot really help them in any lasting way. They need love and to be brought up into the adults they could become. In China, the education system is rigid and strict and the teacher must be respected but I have turned into a friend and that was a mistake, as far as teaching them English is concerned. But how much I have learned in the process! It's been awesome, really, but I learned among other things that they are not the people I should be teaching, if indeed I should teach at all.

Well, I know I have to play on friday. It is a good thing, to practise again, albeit not with the greatest violin, but it is straightening me out. I'm off to practise...

It's beautiful right now in Lhasa. Autumn is turning gently into winter. With more subtlety than back in Europe, I imagine. There is snow on the higher part of the hills around us, but the valley is actually quite sheltered, bounded to the South by the Himalaya and to the North by the Trans-Himalaya, so the climate stays fairly settled, though cold. It will get colder, but by that time I hope I will be well on my way to Nepal. In a week or so there will be a festival here and the pilgrims and nomads from the hills will start to flood into the city. Lhasa will change from a bustling tourist melee to something a little more like what it has been for hundreds of years. I'm looking forward very much to seeing how it will be.

I ride every day through the town on my trusty steed, a Chinese 'Forever' bike, a legend in China. With a tinkle of the bell I ward off dozing and fearless people in my path. It is a beautiful thing to live here, at least for me, a rich foreigner. And life is good. I was discussing with my good friend and colleague in the school, Gaetan, how it truly is an easy life for us, here in Asia. We can live very cheaply, the people are fascinated with us and us with them. We are mostly free, well sort of, to do as we please.